25: The Success Mindset in 8 Parts

The Lavendaire Lifestyle is back for Season 2! Today I’m sharing 8 components of the success mindset. This episode’s for anyone who’s been stuck or held back by self doubt, fear, or limiting beliefs.

It’s not about how talented or smart you are, and not just about how hard you work. It’s about how long you can stay in the game, and so much more. // Full transcript available after the jump.

THE SUCCESS MINDSET

1. Unwavering Belief in Yourself
2. Commitment
3. Patience
4. Perseverance
5. Consistent Action
6. Continuous Improvement
7. Self Forgiveness
8. Gratitude

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TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the Lavendaire Lifestyle, the podcast on lifestyle design for millennials. I’m Aileen and I’m here to guide you to become a master artist of life. Every Sunday you’ll get new insight and inspiration on how to create your dream life. After the episode, the conversation continues in our Lavendaire Lifestyle Facebook group, so I can’t wait to see you there. Life is an art, make it your masterpiece.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to the Lavendaire Lifestyle. It’s Aileen, your host, and I’m super excited to be here because it’s our start of our second season of this podcast so onto Season 2. I think, the first season, I was just getting my feet wet into this podcasting world, and I really had no idea what the heck I was doing with this podcast. But moving forward, I just want to let you guys know that my intention for the podcast is to bring on guests who are either Artists of Life, who are creating their dream lives or who can offer some sort of value and teach you something specific in the journey of creating your dream life. So there will be more interviews this season than my solo episodes like this one, and I hope you guys will like that because I like doing interviews more than just listening to myself talk, because who wants that, right?

Today I want to talk about the success mindset, basically all of the components to a mindset that will enable you to succeed in life. And before I go into that, I do want to start off this episode with gratitude, because I am just so, so thankful that you guys are here, that you chose to listen to the Lavendaire Lifestyle when you have a billion other choices, other options you could do with your life at this very moment. So honestly, just to have you here listening is an honor and it’s such a blessing, and I don’t take it for granted that you chose to listen to me, me.

Anyway, the reason I bring that up is because, literally, today is Saturday, March 4 and this episode is supposed to go up on Sunday, March 5. So I’m a procrastinator and it took me a long time to get up to record this episode. I tried two weeks ago and I couldn’t finish it. So here I am, doing it again and there’s a lot that goes behind the scenes, you know. Even after a whole season of a podcast, I still get nervous. I still have that resistance whenever I have to create something. I still feel uncomfortable, so this is my uncomfortable zone that I have to put myself in because that’s the place you grow, right?

I was asking myself, “Why am I so uncomfortable? Why do I resist to show up to work?” And basically, what I had to do to get up here today, is reframe my way of thinking. Instead of looking at it as, “Ugh, I have to do this. It’s so scary. It’s so uncomfortable,” I think about you guys. I think, “Wow, I’m at a point where people actually like my podcast. People look forward to the podcast coming back. How lucky am I to have that?” You know? Because I’ve always been so used to grinding on YouTube and making videos with the idea that nobody cares about what I’m doing and nobody really wants to watch it, and I did it for myself. I think at this point there’s another level of pressure but also in a good way, because I’m not just doing it for myself anymore. Basically, what I’m trying to say is: I realize that I have a platform, and I can’t waste it. I want to use it for good.

So that was my long rant of telling you I’m so grateful that you’re here listening.

[4:01]
Alright, now let’s talk about the success mindset. The reason I want to bring this up as the first topic of the season is because it’s so important to know the foundation and to have that foundation ingrained in you, that mindset to succeed. I want to break it down and show parts of where this mindset can come from. It’s definitely not all, because I still have so much more to learn in life. But definitely, there is something that sets successful people apart from people who just settle. I just think that, on the way to building your dream life, you know, you’re on that path to creating that career and that lifestyle, the relationships that you want. There are so many obstacles that come in-between that, and there are so many spots where people can get stuck and where people may stay stuck. You know, it might be your fears or your self-limiting beliefs or some sort of societal peer pressure that gets you down.

Whatever it is, there are people who try but get stuck in a certain area and there are people who push through. So I think the success mindset is me breaking down what parts of that mindset help people push through all of those obstacles that come in the way when you’re trying to build that dream life, you know. I think everyone can agree that when you look at the most successful people in the world, the greats, they’re not necessarily the most talented or the most intelligent or even the ones who were born with the most resources at hand. You know, a lot of people, they started out with nothing and they made it all the way to the top and other people who are blessed to start with more than those. Maybe they might’ve gotten stuck. I’m saying that there’s no one defining factor on successful people. There’s no one baby that’s born and you’re like, “This baby is a successful baby.” It’s not really genetic like that. It really is in the mindset and the character that you develop pin your life that keeps you going to get there. I think so much of it is stamina, to stay in the game, to believe in yourself when nobody else does, just see your dreams through to the end.

[6:15]
Today I’m going to break it down into eight parts. The success mindset into eight parts. Here’s the overview of the eight parts of the success mindset that I’d love if you all could just ingrain in your brain and in your character. And it’s something that we should all work on, day to day. But if you could work on this and strengthen all of these eight parts, then definitely, you’ll have a stronger mindset for success. And trust me: it will make all the difference.

  1. Unwavering belief in yourself
  2. Commitment – Commitment to whatever goal or task at hand
  3. Patience – Because all things take time, and you have to develop a strong patience
  4. Perseverance – You have to have the stamina to not give up no matter what
  5. Consistent action – Always valuing action over everything, taking consistent action.
  6. Continuous improvement – Constantly steering and tinkering, getting feedback and learning.
  7. Self-forgiveness – Learning to forgive yourself as fast as possible.
  8. Gratitude – Always, always, always have that mindset of gratitude with you

Honestly, all of these components are easier said than done, and listening to this podcast, you might be telling yourself, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know all this.” But are you really implementing all of these in your life? Do you really know it deep down?

1. Unwavering belief in yourself

[7:54]
Alright, let’s start with the first one, which is: believe in yourself. You have to have an unwavering belief in yourself. Believe that you can do it, because the journey is mostly mental. And I don’t know if you understand how much power your mentality has over the reality of your life. If you don’t believe you can do something, then you’re going to physically and mentally be weaker than if you believed that you can do it.

I don’t know if you’ve ever arm wrestled someone, but if you arm wrestle someone with the belief that you will lose and that you won’t be able to beat the other person, subconsciously you’re not going to try as hard, and you’re going to be more willing to lose. But if you believe that you can do it, something clicks in your brain and your subconscious that kind of gives your physical body and everything else, an extra little boost. It really starts with a belief in yourself.

Self belief comes from a place of self confidence. And I know that not everybody is born with confidence, so it’s something that must be learned and developed. An exercise you can do to build the self confidence and self belief is to take out a notebook and write down all of your small wins, all the little victories that you’ve had in your life. Think about all the things that you have accomplished. And it’s even better if you can write down things that you accomplished already that you didn’t believe you could accomplish before.

For example: One thing that I’ve done in the past that I would’ve thought was crazy–I never thought that it was possible–is: I got together with a group of friends and we had the idea to shoot a short film in Taiwan. We had just an idea and we’re like, “Okay, how are we going to fund that trip? How are we going to pay for this crew and all this?” When we met to talk about the idea, it really felt like fluff. It really felt like a lofty dream that was never going to happen. But two years later, I can tell you that we made it happen. We got our flights and hotels sponsored. We just made it work, and it happened. So that’s a victory I can write down in my list of something that I didn’t believe could happen, but happened, something that we made happen.

If you can come up with things like that on your list, that would be amazing. It’s just a reminder of how much potential you have and how much more you can probably accomplish in your life, things that you would never believe you can do.

2. Commitment

[10:31]
The second component of the success mindset is commitment. You have to decide that you’re going to do something that you will absolutely not back out. It’s something that, once you’ve made that decision, it’s done. You’re going to do it. There is no try. There’s only do. You have to have that strong level of commitment to whatever your goal or your dream is, because if you’re not committed and you have that wishy-washy vibe like, “I could do it, or I don’t have to,” then you’re not going to make it happen. It’s not going to work. It’s only going to work if you commit 100% to whatever task is at hand.

Commitment means that you make space for what you plan to do. If you’re committing to a new diet plan, then you have to arrange your schedule and make space to meal prep or do whatever it takes to see that through. I think a lot of people look over that. They say, “I want to do this,” but they don’t make the actual changes in their lifestyle to support that decision. Commitment means that you prepare everything that needs to be done, all the circumstances. You make it perfect to support your commitment.

There’s a quote that I read in “The Success Principles” by Jack Canfield that, once I read it, I put it on my phone and I would read it to myself every night, especially during those tough times in the beginning. “No matter how hard it is or how bad it gets, I’m going to make it.” Once you’ve made that decision to commit, there is no turning back. You’re going to do it. It is there, you know? You have to have that level of commitment to succeed in anything.

3-4. Patience & Perseverance

[12:19]
The third component is patience. With any journey, you have to have a lot of patience because everything always takes twice as long as you expect it to take. I’m saying most cases. Some people are the exception. Some people get lucky. But most times, things take much longer than expected. Nothing happens in an instant. Building your dream life takes so much time, so much effort, and for a long time things are going to be uncertain. You have to be patient and learn to get comfortable in that area of uncertainty, that area, that space where you’re not sure this is even gonna go anywhere. You’re not sure if it’s gonna work out. Stay patient because there are so many stories of people who stuck through for a long period of time and then they hit jackpot, whatever that is to them.

Most people are impatient. Most people do not have the patience to work at a dream for so long, with no pay, no reward, no nothing. Most people are, after two years, like, “Oh my god, it’s been two years and still nothing?” and then they give up. Or maybe they work for three or four years and they’re like, “Still nothing?” and then they give up. I’m already going into my fourth component, which is perseverance, not giving up and just pushing through, because I think that patience and perseverance go hand-in-hand. You have to stay patient because your dream will take a lot of time and, at the same time, you have to persevere no matter what, no matter what obstacles come your way, no matter how long or how frustrating or however long you feel like nothing’s going right, you still have to push through if you want to success because if you stop, that means you failed. And I always believed that if you don’t stop, then you will eventually succeed. You will eventually have something, so long as you keep going. I think the proper quote is more like, “You only fail when you stop trying.”

I’m sure a lot of you know who Marie Forleo is. If you don’t know who she is, she is a businesswoman, an online personality. She’s honestly one of my idols, and she’s built a multi-million dollar online business. She was talking about her journey. She was working on her business for seven years before it finally popped and it finally started to see some sort of traction. Seven years is a long time. And she was saying, imagine she got to year four, and decided to give up. Or imagine she got to year five or year six and was like, “Oh, well I’ve tried it for five or six years. It hasn’t worked, so it’s not for me.” But that’s not what happened. She kept pushing. She stayed patient, kept persevering, and year seven was her year where it finally took off.

You never know when it’s going to start looking up from here. Honestly, it really is about that stamina. How long can you stay in the game? How long can you last without wanting to quit? Because there are so many obstacles, so many moments in every path where you’re gonna want to quit, where you’re gonna want to give up. It’s in those moments where you have to remind yourself: Yes, it’s okay to have setbacks. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to even take some time to relax and not go so hard. It’s okay to rest. Resting is not failure. But if you stop trying completely, if you give up at that moment, then it’s over. You know, then all your work is wasted. Then what’s the point? It’s okay to rest and it’s okay to acknowledge those obstacles and the struggles, but the point is to pick yourself back up and keep going after that. It’s who can push herself further, and whoever can stay in the game longer, whoever has the patience and the perseverance to last, that’s the person who’s going to succeed.

Alright, so I’ve covered the first four which were:

  1. Belief in yourself
  2. Commitment
  3. Patience
  4. Perseverance

Honestly, those first four were what kept me going in those early stages of my career when I was starting to make videos no one was watching for a year and a half and really developing that character to keep going no matter what, to stay patient, to stay committed and believe in yourself when nobody else seems to believe in you.

Moving onto the next four components of the success mindset.

5. Consistent action

[16:55]
People who are successful always value action, always prioritize taking action, because so much time is wasted just sitting there wondering, “Should I do this?” or “Should I do that?”, just living in your head basically, where all things come from action. Basically, you will never know if this step is right for you unless you actually try it and see for yourself. You know, it’s all about trying things. If it doesn’t work, well now you know one way that doesn’t work. So try something else. All about taking action and utilizing this present moment to move yourself forward.

I have a post-it note right in front of my desk that says, “The action is here.” And I put that there to remind me that the present moment is all I have, and the present moment is where I have the power to do any sort of action to bring myself forward. Instead of sitting around, thinking about what-ifs, that post-it note reminds me to take action and to utilize the present moment in my favor.

Also: what I mean by consistent action is that slow and steady wins the race. Basically create a system for yourself, a daily or weekly system, where you’re working towards your goal at a manageable, consistent pace. Rather than going on intense bursts where you work ten hours on your book, and then you wait a couple months then work on another ten hours, it’s so much better to create a system for yourself where you make it into a habit. You turn it into this machine that churns on its own. Once you develop a habit to work consistently and put in consistent action, then you’ll keep that momentum going, rather than having to motivate yourself every once in a while to work on something. So much better to be consistent in your actions, than to be inconsistent and work in intense little bursts here and there.

Consistent action is the component that relates to hard work. Whenever you hear people say, “If you want to be successful, you have to work hard and you have to put in the work,” hard work is what I mean by consistent action. You have to put in the work on a consistent basis in order to churn out results. But that’s not it. Success is not all just hard work, and I think not a lot of people acknowledge that, but most people will know it.

6. Continuous improvement

[19:27]
The next component is continuous improvement. This would be the component that relates to when people say you have to work smart. Like I said, a big part of success is not just hard work. It’s also in how you work. It’s also in using your brain and learning from your mistakes, and learning from everything in order to do better in the future. I think that’s what sets a lot of people apart. A lot of people, they have the working hard part in, but they don’t really evaluate their work. They don’t really look at what they’ve done and ask themselves, “How can I improve on this?” This is why you see a lot of people who say, “I work so hard but I haven’t been moving forward.” It’s because they haven’t been working smart. They’re not continually improving, evaluating, and assessing their work.

Continuous improvement is all about growing constantly, learning constantly. It’s also about getting feedback from what you’ve done in the past, whether the feedback is feedback from people that you trust, or mistakes you’ve made in the past that you’ve learned how to correct. I think, honestly, if you want to succeed in anything, you have to be a student for life. You have to always be open to reading new books, exploring new topics, talking to new people, traveling to different places, so that you can get all of these new experiences and incorporate it into what you do, because you learn something new every time you’re exposed to something new.

This is something I kind of picked up in business school. I was learning about the Japanese strategy of kaizen, when they’re working on their automobile factories. Kaizen is K-A-I-Z-E-N. Feel free to look it up. All that that means is making constant micro-improvements in what you do. Constantly reevaluating what you’re doing, getting feedback, and then applying what you’ve learned, little by little. If you can constantly improve, little by little, each day, it will add up and become a huge improvement and give you a huge advantage in the future.

An exercise you can do to apply this is to track your growth. Depending on what area you care about growing or working on, you track that area because where you direct your focus to matters, wherever you focus on grows. I like to track five areas of my life. I track my health, relationship, career, personal growth, and happiness. What’s important is you track your progress in those areas. Track how well you’ve done, and ask yourself: “How can I improve for the future?” Constantly be improving, making small little improvements and small little changes, and track that growth. It will really be helpful to track it and see for yourself how you’ve changed.

7. Self Forgiveness

[22:12]
Alright, the seventh component of the success mindset is self forgiveness. On this road to creating your dream life, you are going to hit rough patches. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to fall, and you might even fall hard. Just acknowledge: “Yes, there’s no running away from it. It’s going to happen.” Failure is inevitable if you’re trying your best. They say if you don’t fail, that means you haven’t tried, and it’s true. If you go out there and you test things, you try putting out work, not everything is going to be an ultimate success.

So you’re going to have your good times and your bad times, and in those bad times it’s so important to develop a gentleness with yourself and learn to forgive yourself as fast as possible. Forgiving yourself is really learning to let yourself go, let all that pressure, let all of those burdens that you put on yourself, release those as soon as you can because it’s normal. Everybody fails. Everybody makes mistakes, and it’s actually good because when you make a mistake, then you learn something from that experience to enable you to do better in the future.

So do not waste time feeling bad about yourself. Just don’t let yourself sink in that spot for too long. I know sometimes you need one night with a bunch of ice cream and chocolate, okay whatever. I’m not the one to tell you not to do that because I can be guilty too, but what I’m saying is: Bounce back. Forgive yourself as soon as you can. Basically, the sooner you can forgive yourself, the sooner you can pick yourself back up and keep going on your road to your dreams. So don’t let yourself get stuck in your head, don’t let yourself get into that wonky space for too long, because why put yourself down? Why feel bad over something that happened in the past? You know, at that point, it’s already over. Just forgive yourself for it, and let it go.

8. Gratitude

[24:12]
And the last component of the success mindset is gratitude. I was literally just listening to a Tony Robbins podcast interview with Tim Ferriss, and I think Tony Robbins said this, “Success without gratitude is the biggest failure of all.” There are so many people who only focus on the success and the achieving part of life that they forget about the appreciating part. They forget about the part that makes life meaningful and full. Because if you only focus on the success and the achievements, then your life is always going to be in some state of anxiety.

I don’t know if you’ve ever lived in the future for too long. You can’t wait to get to the future point. You’re very anxious. It’s not a full life. It’s not a beautiful life if you’re only depending on success and achievement to give you that fulfillment. It’s not enough. You really have to have, yes, the achieving part, but also that immense gratitude for everything that you have in your life. And gratitude is just so important because you and I, we’re all blessed. We’re all blessed in so many different ways. And if you don’t realize where you’re blessed in your life, if you take everything for granted and you think that the world owes you everything, then you’re not going to be happy.

And I think so much of success is being happy. It’s being in love with your life. It’s being in love with where you are. And if you want to get there, then gratitude is like 50% of that gain, I’m telling you now. It does not matter where you are, if you start to become grateful for everything you have today, you’re going to feel like your life is amazing. You’re going to feel fine. You have everything that you need right now. We’re not lacking in any area. Yes, we can always improve, but you’re not missing anything from your life. You really have everything that you need and a lot of things to be grateful for.

I know that on this journey to living your dream life, you’re going to get frustrated, you’re going to get impatient, and sometimes you’re going to feel like you’re not moving fast enough. And I say that because I totally related. Sometimes I can get into too much of that achieving mindset and I’m like, “Oh my god, I’m not there yet. I’m not there yet. I want to be there.” And like I said, it’s anxious. In those moments, just step back and give yourself space to look around. Open your eyes and see how many things you can be grateful for in your life. You have so many things to be grateful for. So always remember that with success, you have to bring 50% gratitude along with it in order to feel completely full and happy and satisfied and meaningful with your life.

[26:56]
Alright, those were the eight parts of the success mindset that I’d love if you all could just ingrain in your brain and in your character so that we can all be stronger in building our dream lives. So let’s just recap:

  1. Believe in yourself – You have to have a strong belief in yourself.
  2. Commitment
  3. Patience
  4. Perseverance
  5. Consistent action
  6. Continuous improvement
  7. Self forgiveness
  8. Gratitude

If you have a goal or a dream that you’re ready to commit to and to go for, then honestly keep these eight components in your notes. Read them daily and remind yourself every day, and ask yourself, “How can I improve in these areas? How can I grow? How can I get stronger in all of these values and principles?”, because trust me: it works.

Alright, I’d love to know what you think about today’s episode. Also: if you have any ideas of what you would add to the success mindset, because like I said, it’s not just made up of these eight things. I just put them together, but I’m sure there’s so many more parts to the success mindset. You can connect with me on Facebook, just search ‘Lavendaire Lifestyle‘ on Facebook and you’ll find our group. That’s where I want to continue the conversation, and that’s also where you can connect with other listeners and support each other in your journeys.

Alright, that’s it for today’s episode. Thank you so much for listening to The Lavendaire Lifestyle. If you like the podcast, please show your support by leaving a review on iTunes. It helps me so much. It also helps other people find the show. You can also catch me on YouTube and Instagram at @lavendaire, where I have even more content for the Artist of Life.

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